Blog

Ask for Tension … (really?)

February 2nd, 2017

Advancement takes effort. When the effort is fueled by a self-generated commitment (part 1 in this series: your “why”) and not an other-imposed “should”, everything and everyone moves forward.  When people continually seek to expand relationships and build trust (part 2:accountability knots), that behavior benefits everyone.  With these two commitments activated, when support is needed, it is supplied, freely, with respect, compassion and in partnership.

A climber asking for tension is normal. It means: “Hey, belayer, I need your support.  I need to stop climbing now. I don’t want to come down. Please put tension on the rope, because I am going to put all my weight on it and let go of what I’m holding onto.”  Yup … all that is said with a call for “Tension”.   Only after hearing the belayer’s response, “Tension On,”  does the climber let go and relax.

Asking for tension

Asking for tension – for support – is a frequent request I make of my belayer. Sometimes it is because my muscles are cramping, sometimes it’s because my brain is cramping (I can’t figure out where to reach next or “if” the reach is doable).

The support/tension is giving without questioning whether it’s needed or not.  If it is asked for, it is needed. Support is provided without blaming or shaming, and eye-rolling. Quite the contrary.  Both parties view asking for support as a responsible action to take.  Providing support/tension is never viewed as being asked for “too much.”   Ah, if only those roles were played out at work more often. The good news is: they can be.

What does it take to ask for tension? 

The climber – the one who challenged gravity and their skills by stepping off the ground and looking skyward – is the one who asks for tension. To do that, the climber has to trust that …

  • The structure (equipment and knots) are sufficient for the task.
  • Her relationship with the belayer is sufficient (belayer’s listening, ready, in an instance, to hold my weight).
  • Her ego won’t get in the way of her safety.

At work, to ask for support, a person has to trust that …

  • The relational structure of the team is developed enough that there is alignment on how they’ll treat each other as they get work done, a commitment to stay in communication.
  • Asking for support will be heard as being responsible, not shirking work.
  • Her ego won’t get in the way of trying to do it all herself, look good, or any number of automatic, unexamined, self-defeating (and team-defeating) points of view.

How is trust developed?

That’s kinda like asking “How do I get to Carnegie Hall?”  Practice, Practice, Practice.

Seriously, it takes awareness to say trust is missing and a commitment to build it. It takes having conversations with the team to define what your team (not a generic team) means by trust, what the behaviors are that break it, maintain it and increase it.  It takes practicing those behaviors … over and over and over … and self-correcting.

Best place to start: with yourself.  Who do you trust? What do you trust them about?  How do they behave, that builds your trust in them? Who don’t you trust? How do they behave that has you not trust them?  So … how is trust developed? Take it on and practice, practice, practice.  Yes, this is a big topic. Exploring it offers big rewards.

Let’s get it ON!  Tension On! Support On! Trust On! Results On!

Accountability Knots

January 20th, 2017

In Part 1 of this 3-part series, I offered a climbing analogy for leading yourself with your commitments, your “why’s”, and I promised to share the calls-and-responses between climber and belayer that exemplify support through accountability and how to translate them into team success. Read on!  (That’s me in blue jacket, belaying niece Caity.)

In the top-rope climbing class at Pacific Edge, I learned different climbing techniques and how to belay.  Top-rope climbing is a style in which the climber is securely attached to a rope which then passes up, through an anchor system at the top of the climb, and down to a belayer at the foot of the climb. The belayer is the person on the ground who secures the climber for a safe ascent.

A significant amount of instruction was dedicated to safety. In addition to tying proper knots, we learned and used essential communication call-and-responses between the climber and the belayer. Safety was the senior context of the conversation between climber and belayer; a secondary context was “make it to the top”.

Call & Response

In basic top-climbing, a few of the conversations between climber  and belayer sound like this:

Climber’s Call (Request to Belayer) Belayer’s Response (to Climber’s Request)
On Belay?
Belay ON
Climbing
Climb ON
Tension
Tension ON

The power of these exchanges: A climber doesn’t move until she hears the belayer’s response that says what action can be taken safely.

In the climbing class, this exchange can often be heard:

Student:        Well, I can see if the belay is hooked up, I just did the safety check. You mean that even when   I’m on the ground, standing next to the belayer, and before I start climbing, I say “belay on? 

Instructor:    Yes.  

Student:        Aren’t we over-doing this communication thing?

Instructor:    No.  The way you begin the climb sets the human connection for the climb. 

So what do the belayer’s responses mean?

The belayer’s response of “Belay On” means: We are safely connected. I am here to keep you safe. To the climber’s “Climbing”, the belayer’s “Climb On” means: I’m ready for you to head toward  your goal. To “Tension”, the Belayer’s response says: I’m holding your weight. You can rest, shake arms out, put your full weight in your harness, and release your grip. I’ve got you. (More about Tension in Part 3 of this series.)

It’s the same in a business (any) relationship – how you begin the relationship establishes a context and connection for what’s next.  Let’s move from climbing to cubicle-ing.

Off the wall, into the cubicle

In a relationship where there is a commitment to a specific results or outcomes, a particular kind of call & response – called “conversations for action” – coordinates the action so both can fulfill their role successfully.

Response to a Request What your Response Means
Accept I promise to do as you request, fulfilling the conditions you specified, by the Y time.  (A promise is not a guarantee.)
Decline I do not accept the request. (It isn’t a request if a person can’t decline. If a person can’t decline, then you are making a demand.)
Counter-offer I accept the request with these proposed changes … Do you accept my counter offer?
Promise-to-promise I promise to respond to your request by Y time. (Without a time specified, it is an intention, not a promise.)

Sometimes people (in and outside of business) tell me, “Oh, I only make requests when it really matters, when it’s really important.”  My response:  So …. You do lots of work during the day that isn’t important enough to require coordination or certainty? Doesn’t matter when it gets done? Work in an environment that encourages micromanaging? Oh…

Practices creates trustworthiness

It’s the practice (practice: a behavior done regularly and with an intention to produce a particular result) of “being in communication” that coordinates the action, that builds the relationship, that supports the journey. It’s the practice of having conversations for action – and the follow through with appropriate behavior – that  creates trust and trustworthiness and that makes new levels of results possible.

No matter what your virtual mountain is — on-boarding new hires, laying people off, launching a new product, leading a team or an entire organization — using a shared, meaningful “call & response” builds accountability and deepens trust – and both of those are essential to producing the kind of relationships that produce outstanding, extraordinary results.

In the final part in this series, I’ll reveal how the knots of accountability are essential for building trust and producing results especially when the “yogurt hits the fan.” (<– my favorite Tom Peters quote).

Climb on!

Walk your Talk … Vertically!!

November 27th, 2016

pacific-edge-statueWhen I tell people I’m taking an indoor climbing class at Pacific Edge, their “Good for you!” is usually followed quickly by “Why?”

My Whys

I have several whys.  Every day, I ask leaders to commit to something without knowing how to do it and without a guarantee of success. I ask them to step outside their comfort zone, be vulnerable, listen more deeply, take care of their well-being (they are a precious resource) and shift their mindset. I don’t ask once, but again and again.  Taking this class gives me the experience (somewhat) of what I am asking them to do – experiment, fail, try again, make progress. In essence, to develop.

Then, there’s the why of being physically fit.  I ask my body to play tennis full out for 2-3 hours a couple times a week, lift field stones to build garden walls, and walk briskly for 2 miles while having enough breath for a conversation with my partner.  Taking this class helps me build my lung capacity and my capacity to quiet my inner critic shouting “you’ve done enough, you may not succeed, be careful.”

As for my mindset, this class helps me calibrate the challenges that are appropriate (small wins when I’m learning something new) and those that are Evil Knievel-ish and too risky (because I’m trying to prove myself).   I did a climb blindfolded. That was fun. I declined to attempt the chimney climb. It looked to have a high probability of incurring an injury and jeopardizing tennis and walking, aka, not worth the risk. (Watch someone climb the chimney.)

If you’re in business, you’re on a climb.  You’re challenging yourself to reach the “top” you’ve declared.  Without knowing where the toe holds are or if your legs will lift you high enough for you to grasp the hand hold you spy, you begin. You begin because you commit to a possibility.

On the route, you often encounter volatility, uncertainty and the unforeseen.  In these moments, the possibility you committed to may fade or seem like the wrong commitment to have made.  In these moments, while you don’t need a rope or a safety harness, you do need gear.

Gear up!

young-caity

9-yr-old Caity, fearless, going for it.

When you’re on your daily work climb, it may seem easier to be on a real physical climb on an actual mountain.  Sometimes, it’s that way for me.  Physical challenges are in a different domain than the non-physical ones. For most of us knowledge workers, our routes are rife with self-doubt, concern, what ifs and what abouts and, hopefully, populated with successes and satisfaction.

(Full disclosure: If you ask any climber, and I did, about their routes, they too say they are inhabited by the same self-doubt conversations. Aka, the grass is not greener. Both of us don’t have to be stopped by the doubts; we can use them to energize our respective climbs.)

 

Whether it’s a real or virtual mountain, each climber/leader needs gear from the storehouse called  “Generating Commitment”.   (Big Note: This storehouse is not called “One & Done Commitment” – it’s called generating to distinguish ongoing and continually.)

1st:     Declare (state) your whys. If your first response is “for the money”, don’t stop there.  Say why the money matters to you. (Does it provide you with the ability to care of your family? Does it bolster your self-confidence or esteem?) I suspect the more you answer “why”, you’ll find more compelling, inspirational, more meaningful whys.

2nd:     Assess each why and identify what you are currently doing to live it and generate it daily.

3rd    Whatever your assessment, own it – don’t deny or sugar-coat it.  Then choose your next move.  Is there an action to take? Is there something to acknowledge and put in the past? Is it supportive to revoke your commitment, or to reformulate and recommit to it newly?

This reflection and self-assessment gives you the opportunity to choose. Choosing is fundamental gear for leaders who lead themselves first, then ask others to join the journey.

call-response-imageIn Part 2 of this series, I’ll share the calls-and-responses between climber and belayer.  It’s a conversation of support, trust, accountability, possibility and results.

You’re gonna love it.  Enjoy your climb!

Learn to Interrupt (yourself, not others)

August 30th, 2016

Before last month, if you would have asked me if I was a good listener, I would have quickly and assuredly said “Yes.”  Now, my response is, “I’m learning to be a better one.”  Why the change? I’ve been engaged in dialogues, the art of listening. Dialogue is the discipline of collective learning and inquiry. The purpose of dialogue is for people to participate with others and realize what is on each other’s mind without coming to a conclusion or passing judgment.

Practice makes practice

practice gladwellA practice is an activity that you do repeatedly to bring about a particular experience. It has a deliberate design and intention that, when used well, produces a defined result. We engage in practices to learn an instrument, a sport, make pottery, create and sustain a loving relationship. In a dialogue, four practices are exercised: suspending, voicing, respecting and listening.  While all four are essential, listening is fundamental.

Romi Boucher, an extraordinary consultant, my mentor and colleague of 30 years, shared this about listening: “By default, I always prepare myself to speak. Preparing myself to listen leads to better results and takes more interruption!”

When I first read “interruption,” I knew it was a typo. It turns out that my assumption that it was a typo (it wasn’t) was a perfect demonstration of what Romi was saying.  Since the word “interruption” didn’t make sense to me, I automatically concluded it was an error. I did not suspend my automatic judgment that, as an English teacher of 10 years, I know how words should be used (Hurrumph!).  When I asked if she meant “interruption,” she respectfully confirmed her choice. At that moment, I got curious and, when I listened newly to what she said, I understood.  (Yes, I was embarrassed that I didn’t get it at first.)

“I listen with an intensity most people reserve for speaking.”   Lily Tomlin

What’s there to interrupt?

To understand someone, we need to interrupt our automatic habits of not listening. Habits of …

  • Composing what we will say when they stop talking
  • Assuming we know their point before they make it
  • Judging their view to be brilliant if it agrees with ours, and stupid if it doesn’t

What is there to do instead of pre-composing, assuming and judging?  How about being curious. How about being will to see their view as valid, and one that you would have if you had their life experiences. How about listening to understand who they are, what they see. BTW, understanding does not equal agreement. Understanding means seeing their view as a valid interpretation.

Listen for the rattle & suspend

I shake a new tennis ball to detect any unwanted beads of rubber inside that will rattle and distract me during play. If I hear any, I discard the ball and get another one.

To listen well to others, we need to metaphorically rattle our heads and set aside any distracting noises – the judgments, the assumptions, the conclusions.  The unwanted noises that keeps us distanced from each other will slide back in – that’s where the practice of suspending becomes vital.

Interrupting the unwanted rattles and noise in ourselves is the first step in truly connecting with another.

(Not all rattles are unwanted. Tennis SERVES, a non-profit that teaches visually impaired people the game of tennis, uses tennis balls with a bit in rattle. Inspire yourself: Watch them play.

on way to future_cropped

Shared with permission from Brian Andreas, artist of www.storypeople.com.

Be an Olympian at Work

July 9th, 2016

 

torch The Olympics are here!! With them come all the excitement of underdogs versus shoe-ins, veterans versus first-timers and photo-finish dramas. Athletes commit long before they know if they will have the opportunity to compete.  They commit to the idea, to the possibility of being an Olympian and promise to do what it takes to master their sport and manage their life in a way to achieve that possibility.  The commitment is beyond winning a medal. It’s a commitment to playing a different type of game – an infinite game. It’s time to bring the spirit of the Olympics to work!

What game are you playing?

Finite games have a beginning and an end, clear winners and losers, and rules that ensure the game is finite. The Olympic Games are finite. There will be winners with medals and losers without. Let’s consider the context for the Olympians in a different context – in the context of an infinite game.

mobius“Infinite games do not have a knowable beginning or ending. They are played with the goal of continuing play and sometimes with a purpose of bringing more players into the game. An infinite game continues play, for the sake of play. If the game is approaching resolution because of the rules of play, the rules must be changed to allow continued play. The rules exist to ensure the game is infinite. The only known example is life.” (Wikipedia)

An Olympian-hopeful commits to achieving the seemingly impossible goal without knowing what it will take to achieve it. Embedded in that commitment is a promise to actively reveal and breakthrough mental, physical and emotional limits, not just one day, but every day.  Being an Olympic athlete is a life style, a mindset, a way of being does not end because the torch is extinguished.

The commitment to living a life of breakthroughs – a life of constant learning, challenging limits, being coachable – is a bigger context than the 2 weeks of the actual games.  While we may not have aspirations to be an athletic Olympian, we can generate a context of being an Olympian and play infinite games at work.

I-Games

Here are 2 infinite games to play at the office this summer, and (you guess it) all career long. All participants reap the benefits:  Transparent and trusting relationships. Genuine appreciation of colleagues. Less friction, fewer feuds. More curiosity and learning. More satisfying performance.

Game #1: Blow the whistle  

assembly lineBack in the day, when going to work actually meant “going to work”, as in leaving home and going to a work place, we had external forces (the factory whistle) telling us when to put the nut on the bolt, when to take it off.  Back in that day, we left our work on the desk (or work bench), turned the light off and went home, perhaps only carrying our lunch pail. Today, our desk comes home with us and the light is, virtually, always on.

Thinking doesn’t stop and start like an assembly line.   In the context that recognizes today’s work as knowledge-based that requires processing and thinking, working 24/7 makes sense. Because there is no external whistle, knowledge workers must be responsible for generating their own.  If we don’t intentionally and regularly disengage from work to rest, our well-being safeguards will blow the whistle for us.  That whistle may sound a lot like an ambulance siren.

You win when you … Leave work early to cheer your daughter’s swim meet. Come in late after volunteering at the teen summer computer camp.  Take vacation and unplug. Everyone wins when you set up others to lead while you’re out. Everyone wins when you blow the whistle on yourself.

Game #2: Helping hands       

We used to be in a constant state of self-defense because of the saber tooths in the next cave. That ancient, inherited, hyper-heightened self-protectionism now has us worry about the competition in the next cubicle.  Rather than protecting us, that unexamined interpretation harms us. Our concern for self-preservation erodes what I believe is a shared, innate human value: helping others.

Winning:  You win when you do something for someone without expecting something in return. You win when you risk being called a goody-two-shoes and volunteer anyway. Everyone wins when you model supportive behavior.

Because work is a finite game – projects start/stop, tasks begin/end, careers start/stop, companies begin/end – playing infinite games to accomplish the work creates an expansive environment, one of individual and collective learning and development. Playing infinite games creates the opportunity for people to commit to seemingly impossible goals and accomplish them because they are drawing on all of their amazing human talents and commitments.

The larger, infinite context generates an opportunity to be whole human beings at work, living our values, breaking through our individual and collective limits.  Be an Olympian! Let the games begin!

The Canary in Leadership’s No Man’s Land

June 7th, 2016

Last week I learned I was wrong about something I was absolutely, bet-you-$100-sure about.  In my 40 years of playing tennis, I was sure “No Man’s Land” on the tennis court was located just inside the baseline and extended through about half of the service box.

no manIt’s called “No Man’s Land” because if a player stands in that area they are vulnerable to being on the defensive and losing a point because the opponent will have an opportunity to hit a ball at his or her feet. Trust me … it’s almost impossible to hit a good return if the ball is at your feet.

Here’s what I learned from my tennis coach, Jon.  The location of “No Man’s Land” depends on what’s happening on the court.  It is not a static, physical location. It is a dynamic, situational location.

Tennis is a series of dynamic situations.  Players move side-to-side, up-and-back to assume either a defensive or offensive position.  How a player moves and where they stand is connected to their skills and experience. Beginners tend to stand in one place (aka, No Man’s Land) and move “late” to the ball. More experienced players are constantly anticipating and moving to where the ball is going to be before it gets there. Inexperienced players miss hit a ball with back spin because they do not know how spin affects the ball’s bounce.   Experienced players read the opponent’s racket movement, aren’t surprised by what’s coming, and pro-actively adjust their response.

The dynamic nature of the game constantly shifts the location of “No Man’s Land”.  Experienced players moves to avoid it, inexperienced players often claim it and the disadvantage that comes with it.

Leadership depends

The situational leadership theory was developed by Paul Hersey. The fundamental underpinning of the   theory is that there is no single “best” style of leadership. The most successful leaders are those who adapt their leadership style to the maturity and capacity of the individual or group they are leading and to the outcomes that need to be accomplished.

tuckmanThe Tuckman model of team development is one way for a leader to assess a team’s “maturity and capacity” to effectively respond to their situation. An accurate assessment lets the leader provide the team what it needs to produce the desired outcomes and move to the next level of performance.

As with any model, what looks simple in theory takes a multitude of effort in practice. Likewise, as with any staged process, what looks like a simple progression in actuality is more of a fuzzy, grey line between stages.

No Man’s Land for leaders

Effective leaders are always expanding their own self-awareness. As a leader, assessing your maturity and capacity is crucial. If you avoid conflict and can’t facilitate others in resolving their conflicts, you may slow down or even halt your team’s development. Staying in the storming stage too long burns people out. If you know you aren’t effective (yet) at dealing with conflict, bring in someone who is and develop your capacity along with the team.

If you miss-identify the stage your team is in, you may not provide them with the developmental tools they need to progress.  For instance, in the storming stage, group members need to move from a testing and proving mentality that can pit individual against individual to a problem-solving mentality that focuses on resolving issues and not people’s personalities.

The canary

Communication skills, listening and speaking, are fundamental.  The polite listening in the forming stage may shift in the storming stage as the fear of failure surfaces and threatens identities and relationships.  In response, some members may turn silent, while others may become more dominate, even aggressive.

canaryThink of a team’s communication skills as the canary in the team’s coal mine. (Canaries used to be used by early coal miners as oxygen detection systems. If the canary died, the miners knew to exit or be next.) If the communication skills do not mature, the team will stop developing.  The team’s canary dies from breathing toxic vapors given off by the lack of communication.

Effective leaders are oriented to what’s happening “on the court” with the team. They recognize that one size of leadership does not fit all – not all teams, not all situations – and that if they are not adapting and moving toward where the ball will be, they will put everyone in No Man’s Land where they are vulnerable and on the defensive.

Are you living and leading by design or by default?

May 16th, 2016

Riddle me this:  No matter your gender or geography, your doubts or desires, your highs or lows, if you lead 5 or 500, you are always influenced by me. What am I?    Answer:  The conversation you have about the future.

The conversation that is shaping your life, how you lead, how you follow, right now, is the story you tell yourself about the future. Your story tells you what is and what isn’t possible, what will and what won’t rock the boat, what’s too risky to do and what’s too important not to do. Your story about the future guides your actions today. In a very real sense, you are living your future right now.

Time zone syllogism

Rather than focus on the content of our stories, let’s look at what helps to determine the content itself.  What helps determine the content of our story is our relationship to the future.  Do we see the future as an extension of the past or as a possibility we can author?

Syllogism:

  • Premise: We can only act in the present.
  • Premise: Our future is ours to author.
  • Conclusion: Our actions in the present match the future we author.

buddha past

Past-based future

Listen to Mark’s narrative:  “Today, I’m a supervisor of 9 people. Someday, I’ll be promoted to manager. Then, when I’m a manager, things will change. People will have to listen to my ideas and I will be more satisfied because I won’t have to put up with time-wasting supervisor meetings. Till then, for a few more years, I’ll keep my head down, my mouth shut.

Take a look at how “someday” and “then, when” influence how Mark acts today.  His then/when tells him to hunker down (PC for “suck it up”) and to not make the meetings he’s running as supervisor more useful right now. What’s telling Mark to stick to the status quo and not make the meetings more useful today?  The future story he is unwittingly seeing.

past calls donot answerMark’s future narrative might sound like this:  “Others have done this…it’s just how it is… Oh, well.” Mark has flipped the part right over into his future and seeing only certain actions to take. Mark doesn’t even see the possibility of doing something now to have the supervisor’s meetings be meaningful.

Living a past-based future isn’t all bad.  It’s somewhat predictable, safe, knowable. We know how we acted yesterday, we made it through, so let’s keep going on that same path.   If you liked yesterday, why not repeat it?  But, if your experience of yesterday wasn’t as stimulating and satisfying as you wanted it to be, if it left something to be desired, then what?  What’s an alternative path?

Possibility-based future

The alternative is to generate a future that is possibility-based.  A future story can be informed by the past, but isn’t limited by it.  A possibility-based future isn’t guaranteed.  It isn’t certain, yet living into a possibility invites you to take actions very different from hunkering down and waiting. It calls you to step outside your comfort zone and generate actions that match the possibility.

Big tip:  Living into a created, generated future isn’t a one-time event. You have to keep generating it, daily, otherwise the past drifts in to obscure what you were generating. Bigger tip:  If this happens, start again.

To author a future you desire, one that encourages you to lead with purpose, start by saying what you see as possible. You aren’t committing to these possibilities yet, you are generating them.  You’ll find that the more you generate possibilities, the more some of them will begin to be so compelling that you’ll want to commit to make them happen.  Then commit.

Headline_the future is present pngNow, work back from that future to design going forward. No, I didn’t mistype that last sentence. Generating a future possibility requires standing in the future that hasn’t happened yet, thinking from there, and saying:  What must happen right before this future is realized? Then take the next step back toward now and ask again:  What must happen right before that?

Want to bring awesome power to this way of leading and living? Share your possibilities with your colleagues and ask them what they see. What possibilities do they see?  There’s work to be done, and you’ll get to it, but first, turn on the generators.

The conversations we have today give us a future to live into.  Tim Seeton

Cubicle Concussions

April 7th, 2016

Remember connecting the dots as a kid and seeing the squirrel emerge?   As kids, we had to move our crayon from 1 to 2 to 3 because we couldn’t imagine what the picture was going to be. With more experience, we could “see” the picture without drawing any line.  It’s time to connect the dots at work and “see” if we like the picture, or if it’s time to change the dots and draw one we’re proud of.

Here are the dots …

helmet crash brain wrapped cubicle  dot squirrel

Dot 1: Football  

Reports about the serious health issues and early deaths of football players due to concussion-related injuries have pulled back the curtain on the NFL and other contact sports. The key curtain-puller was Dr. Bennet Omalu, a Nigerian-American physician who was the first to discover and publish findings of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) by examining American football players while working at the Allegheny County Coroner’s Office.  (Watch a behind-the-scenes interview-Concussion with Will Smith & Dr. Bennet Omalu about the movie Concussion .)

Dot 2: Our brain

From the Mayo Clinic : Your brain has the consistency of gelatin. It’s cushioned from everyday jolts and bumps by cerebrospinal fluid inside your skull.  A concussion alters the way your brain functions. Some symptoms of concussions may be immediate or delayed in onset by hours or days after injury, such as: concentration and memory complaints; irritability and other personality changes; sensitivity to light and noise; sleep disturbances; psychological adjustment problems and depression; appearing dazed.

Reading the list, were you were thinking… Hey, I think I have some of these and I have never played a contact sport…?   Consider this: We don’t have to get physically hit to suffer a “cubicle concussion.”

Dot 3: Cubicle Concussions

Seeing a trailer for the movie Concussion crystalized the stories that people in organizations have been sharing with me for years, and that we have been transforming together.  Stories of frustration because efforts aren’t recognized, tales of disappointment because talents aren’t fully used, tales of disrespect because “do as I say, not as I do” rules, and sagas of burnout because personal values are suffocated by the corporate ones laminated and not lived.

These stories are examples of cubicle concussions brought on by concussive conversations. Concussive conversations are reactive and based in the past, rather than being generative and future-based.   In concussive conversations, some of what’s present is blame, gossip, no responsibility, victim mentality, little respect for others, and us-versus-them thinking.

Some symptoms of the cubicle concussion, which I learned from my clients and my own experiences, look like this. See how they reflect the symptoms of a physical concussion.

Symptoms of
Physical Concussions
Symptoms of
Cubicle Concussions
Concentration and memory complaints
  • We can’t focus on the task at hand
  • We put off priority work because we’re not up to it
  • We often ask people to repeat what they’ve said
Irritability, other personality changes
  • We snap at “little things”
  • We stop taking care of our own well-being
Sleep disturbances
  • We can’t turn off our ToDo list and get to sleep
  • We wake up during the night thinking about work
  • We don’t feel rested, even after 8 hours of sleep
Psychological

adjustment problems

  • We resist any and all change
  • We become defensive and shut down
  • We reject support, even though we say we want it
Appearing dazed
  • We make eye contact, but we’re not home

(I don’t have the expertise to talk about how we store non-physical experiences in our bodies. If you’re interested, there’s science to read. For instance, cellular memory.)

Dot 4:  No one escapes

Ironically, just like two players cracking helmets on the field, the person delivering the concussive conversation is also affected.  Even more interesting and relevant to leaders, whose role it is to invent compelling futures, is this: People who observe the concussive exchange are also affected. No one escapes the impact of a cubicle concussion.

See the Squirrel

When we connect the dots at work, the picture is clear.  What affects one affects the whole.  For example, we’ve seen that when ‘star’ sales people get a free pass, are not held accountable, for their abusive behavior, everyone gets the unsaid message: If you bring in money, you don’t have to treat people with respect.  We’ve been in the hallway conversations that veto the decisions made in the meeting we just left. We’ve complained to person A about person B and walked away as if that conversation forwarded the action. (It didn’t.)

All of these interactions create a network of conversations which form the field of play for you and your people.  The network of conversations determines what’s possible and what isn’t – it shapes the results and influences people’s sense of fulfillment.

The good news: A network of conversations isn’t set in stone. You can change what’s in the network. How? Generate a new conversation, one that  you’re proud of, one that is commitment-based, one that matches your best self, not your small self.  As you act from your new conversations and commitments every day (yup, that’s what it takes), you’ll have opportunities to remove the concussive conversations from the past.  That’s the work to be done, day-by-day, conversation by conversation.

What Washington Politics can teach us about Office Politics

February 4th, 2016

Both networking experts and relationship gurus tell us the same thing:

red blue ele donIf you want to develop a relationship that lasts, don’t begin it by discussing religion or politics. Why? The topics are too emotion-laden, too side-taking, too side-making, too divisive.  This conventional wisdom advises us to steer clear of discussing either topic at work. It’s good advice, but only because we haven’t learned (yet) how to stay in communication with people holding opposing views.

With political messages bombarding us these days, I think it’s time for a different kind of advice. Here’s my suggestion: Have a conversation about politics … but only with yourself! More on how to do this in a bit.

An opportunity of a different color

Let’s start with recognizing what we do: We criticize candidates for misrepresenting facts, lying, playing “the card” (gender, race, age, religion), demeaning an opponent’s physical characteristics, changing their view and labeling them ‘flip-floppers’.

When we criticize the behavior of candidates and their supporters and proclaim how wrong, even un-American they are, we have not only missed the boat, we’ve shot holes in the one we’re in. Why? Because we do what they do. It’s just that our acts aren’t splashed via social media. (That would wake us, wouldn’t it!)

If you’re denying that you, from time to time, behave just like the politicians you criticize, you’ve proven my point. Hey, I do this, too. I judge people for their “uninformed and misguided” views, pigeon-hole people with stereotypes. Where do you think I get the idea for these posts?

I’m not advising we talk about who should or shouldn’t be president (or even running) or how a campaign should or shouldn’t be run. The opportunity I see is to observe our judgments and reflect on our own behavior to see where we mirror the behavior.

Shouting that politics are a mess, that a Super PAC (Political Action Committee) has all the power, that the entire system is corrupt, lets us off the hook. It lets us off the hook to see where our behavior is just like those we are criticizing. Further, it lets us off the hook to see the possibility that our behavior contributes to theirs. Think “systems thinking” … think “holon”. (A fractal is close to the idea of holon, as it is a part that represents a whole at the same time. Do seeds contain trees or do trees contain seeds? We could say both are true, because ‘trees and seeds’ is an example of a holon.)

What are you going to do about it, Doris? (My homage to Doris Haddock, aka, Granny D)

I’m advocating that we use the conversation being generated at the national level to help us be better at work and at home.

My advice: Have a conversation about politics … but only with yourself!

1st:   As you listen to the debates, read newspaper accounts, watch evening news, notice the judgments you have about those candidates – all of them: good, bad, ugly (“They are so wrong, stupid, old, misguided, brilliant, etc.”)

2nd:   Identify when and with whom, specifically, you have had that same judgment, said the same thing. Where did you tell a half-truth? Where did you let a stereotype narrow your view of someone or cause you to stop listening?

3rd:  Once you identify where you were “playing politics” with a colleague, friend or family member, clean it up.   Yes, this clean up might be embarrassing.  Embarrassing moments present us with more of an opportunity to change our mindset and our behavior than the “I won’t do it again” vows.

pogo we are enemy

In doing these simple (not easy) steps, you’ll be more aware of your biases and blind spots, more able to honor the other’s views, stay in communication and less likely to unintentionally bully others with your views.

Need additional inspiration to act? Watch Granny D.  Her book, You’re Never Too Old to Raise a Little Hell, is a knock out!

Learning from Celluloid Conversations

December 22nd, 2015

What if it’s not your title or age or gender that persuades your people to take on stretch goals? What if it’s not your personality or even your stellar track record? Well, if these aren’t what make things happen, what is? What ignites people to work together to accomplish seemingly impossible outcomes?

Reel Conversations

On a recent rainy day, I saw Bridge of Spies. Tom Hanks portrays real-life insurance lawyer James Donovan who, in 1962, successfully negotiated a spy-prisoner exchange between the US and Russia. I remember watching the nightly news about our pilot Francis Gary Powers and his U2 spy plane. (If you haven’t seen the movie, go now. This is your permission slip. Better yet, ask your boss to take the entire office.)

This real story offers a lesson in leadership: Making things happen begins with a clear commitment. Without any governmental title or clout, and without training in political diplomacy, James Donovan accepted being the negotiator. Why? He didn’t just think that it was a good idea to avoid an international incident that could trigger a war with Russia. He accepted the role because it matched his commitment to serve the greater good.

The negotiation process wasn’t smooth. However, regardless of the roadblocks (“Return our Russian first, then we’ll send you Powers.”), Donovan’s commitment never wavered. His behavior modeled effective leadership.

  • He spoke to his Russian counterpart as a person, not as a bureaucrat or enemy.
  • He respected the Russian negotiator’s views.
  • He managed his emotions.
  • He started difficult conversations without knowing how they’d turn out.
  • He never felt victimized (they made me do it) by his commitment. He owned it fully.

One of the most telling conversations came when Donovan leans over to his Russian counterpart and says: “We need to have the conversations our governments can’t.” How honest. How risky. How authentic.

No matter how moving these celluloid conversations are, we recognize they are fictional, scripted and rehearsed. Some land on the cutting room floor. When the credits roll, we leave the theatre unencumbered with responsibilities, unaffected by the consequences of the conversations.

RealReelReal Conversations

Your conversations aren’t fictional. Your customers, boss, teammates aren’t characters. There aren’t rehearsals. You don’t have a cutting room. Your conversations have consequences. They set the stage upon which work with gets done well … or not.

At the most fundamental level, creating a workplace reality of trust and productivity requires honoring your word. Honoring your word is accomplished by doing what you said you would do and by informing others when you see accomplishing the goal is in jeopardy.

Exercise: Anchor What’s Floating

Purpose: Create trust and partnership by telling the truth about what you will and won’t do. Definition: Sometimes a commitment is mushy: “I’ll let you know.” Sometimes a commitment is clear: “You and I will have a one-on-one every other week.” For this exercise, treat both as commitments.

Part 1: Have a conversation with yourself.

  • Set aside 15 minutes. Make a list of the commitments you’ve made which do not have a “complete-by” time. (Handwrite the list.)
  • Put a name with each commitment. List the names of 5 people with whom you work closely and ask yourself: What does (name) think I’m working on? Or, what is (name) expecting from me?
  • Create a separate list of people outside of work.
  • Put your name on either list because you also make commitments to you.

Part 2: Have a conversation with the people on your list.

  • Schedule a 15-minute conversation with each person. Tell them the purpose is to make sure you are meeting their expectations.
  • When you meet: State the purpose. Remember – This is about you meeting your commitments, not about their commitments.
  • State each commitment to them. “You asked me for my ideas on the priorities for next year. When do you need them?” Set a by-when and if they say, “Whenever you get to it,” you set a date.
  • When you’ve covered your list, ask if you’ve committed to something else. Have a conversation to understand their expectation and negotiate the by-when.
  • Thank them, end the meeting and do not bring up any other agenda items.

Part 3: Repeat

If the person wants to meet with you for the purpose of getting current with commitments, congratulations! You’ve created an environment of openness, with no blame and personal responsibility.

Our conversations create realities. It doesn’t take a big budget or a red carpet. It does take effort, and giving up some of our ego.

 

« Older Entries
Camille

Subscribe to the blog!

Recent Posts Archives
Categories
Tags